1. The Drill Sergeant
Gonna make you sweat till you bleed.

Defining characteristics:

• Ripped body
• Never smiles
• Barks orders to you like a junkyard dog

How to Handle
Do exactly what they say.  And never, ever look them in the eye.

1. The Noob
This is their first yoga class and it’s painfully obvious.

Defining characteristics:

• Borrowed yoga mat
• Socks
• Setting up in the back of the room

How to Handle
Handle with care.  Everyone was a noob once.  Don’t judge.  Don’t laugh.  At least , during class.

2. The Veteran
They’ve done this a thousand times and they want you to know it.

Defining characteristics:

• Manduka Pro Mat with Yogitoes towel
• Full Lululemon gear from head to toe
• Setting up in the front of the room

How to Handle
Stay out of their way and let them do their thing.  If you wind up next to one, expect to get a sweaty foot in your face a few times.

3. The Mayor of Yogaville
They know everyone and I mean EVERYONE in the class.

Defining characteristics:

• Working the room like a politician; shaking hands, kissing babies etc.
• Makes it a point to mention something personal about the teacher, to show he really knows them
• Very little actual yoga

How to Handle
Just sit back and wait for him to introduce himself to you.

4. The Town Crier
This yogi is loud, like really loud.

Defining characteristics:

• Groaning and moaning in every single pose, even child’s and mountain pose – borderline sexual
• Loudest lion’s breath you will ever hear
• Will scream out in agony when they feel the slightest bit of discomfort

How to Handle
Practice as far away as possible or wear ear plugs.

5. The Athlete
Does yoga purely as a workout.

Defining characteristics:

• Reebok yoga mat
• Giant jug of water
• Looks of fear and horror when doing anything remote spiritual like saying “ohm”

How to Handle
Try not to look them in the eye.  They might see this as aggression and bolt for the door.